Werthliss

I guess now that the relationship between me and the person that this was created for has ended, this blog is completely worthless. On the other hand, I suppose I could just keep randomly writing in it when I feel impressed to share anything. Even though the only person that ever read it was her, I could still do it for my personal gain. They say that if you write out your problems or stresses it can be therapeutic and since I don't have anything else to do with my pathetic life, what can it hurt? 

Recently, I have been thrown into the deepest depression that I think I've ever experienced. I hate to say that I have depression because it makes me feel weak. Like I have a disability or I'm just less of a human. But it is what it is and I can't change it. The only thing to do is to cope and hope for a better day. The reasons for this depression are as follows:  

I lost the love of my life. The bread to my butter. The wind to my Wyoming and the jelly to my peanut butter. I loved this girl with all my heart and I should have treated her like royalty. Little did I know just how much I really loved for her until someone else was holding her hand. Not a day goes by that my heart doesn't hurt. I've tried to fill the void with sleep, Hawaii Five-0 and food. That just seems to make me feel more like a loser. It's funny how life works. One day you're on top of the world and the next the world is on top of you, laughing. It's like the fat kid you picked on in grade school that got stronger than you and punched you in the nose in High school because he held a grudge. 

I'm living with my parents. I always thought that it would be awesome. Free food. Free T.V. No curfew because I'm a 'grown-up'. Ohhh boy was I wrong. It just makes you feel like a huuuge bum. I love my family, don't get me wrong here, I just don't like to be around them all the time. It also wouldn't be so bad IF I had friends to hang out with and take me away from my sorrows. All the friends that I had in High School all hate me now or are on a mission or at a university. I have a few friends, sure, but playing video games and talking about video games and playing more video games is only fun for a few hours. 

No money/ no job. I could easily get a job if I were to put forth the effort and find one. I already had 2 offered to me by my previous employers but I turned them down. I didn't want to start a job that I was just going to leave in a few months. I need one though. Mowing lawns for your grandparents doesn't exactly pay the bills. It might get me a snow cone, but that can only freeze my sadness for so long! 

Those are the main reasons that I've figured. Now that I have them written down, I can figure out how to fix them...? One thing is for sure. Something needs to change, fast! I need to get my butt in gear and make something of my life. I need to surround myself with positive energy and maybe start exercising. I hear that helps with depression also. Getting over someone that has changed your life in ways that you didn't even know needed to change is real hard. Probably the hardest thing that I've had to do in my whole life. Nothing compares to the pain that I've been feeling. Luckily, the friends that I do have and the family around me have helped immensely. And I got a puppy to help fill the void. :) I feel like I'm on the upside, though. I'm climbing out of the pit and seeing the light above! Just a few more miles to go... With my friends, my puppy, my medicine, my family, my faith and Betos burritos, I know that it won't be long until I'm back on my feet, ready to take on the world. 

Gossip Girl

I don't want this to be like a journal of what I did through the days, but it might end up being like that. I'm not going to actually talk about anything specific, just what went on that particular day. Make sense? Good. 

Today, Monday, the day after Sunday and the day before Tuesday. Just so anyone needed to know. I know Rebecca Black only covered the weekend when she taught the days to us. The day started off like any other. I wake up, I gotta have my bowl, my bowl of cereal. I see everybody rushing around me and I realize that I need to get to the bus, STAT! Then... I see my friends. The biggest question of the week arose, "What seat do I take??" The answer demanded immediate attention. That's when I knew. I'll take that back seat. Now that that riddle was solved, I went to Acting For Musical Theater. I wasn't there last class period and so I didn't know that I needed a new recipe for facial/emotional mode. After Jamie explained it a little, I got caught up. When he told me what I missed, he made it sound like I was going to fail the class because I had missed that one class. He seems to have that tone in his voice quite a bit. After that went on for a while, class released. I went to steal food from the cafeteria. Tristan was nice enough to steal Sharielle and I some rather delicious (with a bit of salt) fries! I drank apple juice because I swore off soda FOREVER! ... Probably not even close to forever, but here's to hoping! After replenishing my food tank, I took off the hallway to my favorite class, MATH! Where we had a practice test to work on. The test is on Wednesday. It's gonna be super easy. I sat by some dumber people and helped them with their work because I'm super smart like that. Realistically, they helped me because I'm dumber than them. When I aced the crap out of that practice test, I jaunted away with my pokemon backpack on my... back. and shoes on my feet. Down the hall. And also down the stairs. I had a whole hour to kill before work. and kill it I did. With a Semi-automatic shotgun! Yes... I played Call of Duty. I'm getting really good at that game! OOOH! MUMFORD AND SONS JUST CAME ON MY SHUFFLE! I now get an average of about 8 kills per game! Still completely worthless, but hey! It's fun. I tend to think a lot about life while playing that game. I think all about the future and how the next few days are gonna pan out. I think about all the homework I'm neglecting and all the people I'm avoiding. Then I set my scopes on an enemy's head and pull the trigger. And that's how my thinking goes! I am, however, extremely excited for this summer! It's going to be the best one ever! Even though it will be filled with taxing, almost payless, labor, it'll still be a blast. Summerstock is an extremely beneficial to the development of patience, hard work, diligence, stamina, patience, acting abilities, building knowledge, patience and above all, patience! Nothing is more important in this day in age than patience. Also how many twitter followers you have. 110 baby! ;) After doing nothing at work (Because Tristan literally did everything on my list) I went to rehearsal and learned the Red Baron monologue. That's really all I did. All the while, CJ and I were trying to beat the other one to 100 followers on Twitter. He won only because he had more to begin with. It doesn't matter, I aint even mad! 

Until next time: XOXO Gossip Girl!

The Details

Wow! I never thought I'd be blogging. Well I guess I should start out by telling a little about why I'm starting this blog. Here goes nothing!

My name is... Should I use a fake name? Yeah, I'll use a fake name... Anyway, my name is Tucker. (That literally just came out, I don't even think I know anyone named Tucker) I'm writing this blog because my girlfriend LOVES details. When we talk, she insists on every little thing being explained. I love explaining in details, but I get frustrated when talking to her about it for some reason. Perhaps it's because I can't process my thoughts very clearly in the spoken word. I'm more of a writer. For me to explain what a certain tree looks like while talking feels tedious to me, but while writing, I can explain the crap out of the bark and every little leaf; how it moved, how tall it was and what it's imaginary name was. I personally also love details. I love how everything can be explained to the very decimal point. I love to see a picture in my brain so clear that I can reach out an touch the image that I've created. Like that 3D Bugs Life theater in Disneyland! You know that one that pokes you in the back when the bees come? and the one that sprays water on you when beetles spray your face? I love that.

Getting back on topic meow. This blog is for the sole purpose of the details. Every little detail will be explained. I'll be writing these entries to my girlfriend. What should her name be? Hmm... Maggy. Tucker and Maggy. I like it! There's a great big possibility that she's the only one that's going to be reading these. In that case, it'll just be like an email to her! If anyone else chooses to join in and read this blog, I only have one thing to say to you: Check your sanity at the door. Stuff's about to get CrAzY!! Maybe probably not. I'll try to keep it sane. But... Yeah, no, it won't be sane all the time. You'll get confused. See, now I'm rambling!

You know what? I'm not going to bother with all that fake name business. I'm sure it'll say my real name somewhere on this site anyway.

Keep it real, Chicago!